- Published on
Why I Built Deescalator: Turning Personal Challenges into a Tool for Conflict Resolution
- Authors
- Name
- Pol Enault
Why I Built Deescalator
In the past year, life gave me a crash course in relationships, resilience, and the art of communication. My partner Lisa and I spent over 300 days traveling together, sharing every moment, challenge, and joy along the way. As much as this journey strengthened our bond, it also tested it, as any intense shared experience would.
Living side by side 24/7, we'd find ourselves having the same argument about planning versus spontaneity, or small irritations would compound when we couldn't escape to separate spaces. We love each other deeply, but we kept having recurring arguments that felt frustratingly circular.
Seeking Growth and Self-Improvement
Being introspective by nature, I wanted to find ways to improve not only our relationship but myself. I realized I was often the one escalating arguments by getting defensive instead of listening. Reflecting on why conflicts happened and analyzing my reactions seemed like the first step toward building a stronger connection.
Over time, I thought: if I could log these moments and track our conflict patterns, it might lead to a deeper understanding of what sparks arguments and how we could manage them better.
Finding a First Step Before Therapy
During this time, I noticed a trend among some friends who were beginning couples therapy. Therapy can be transformative, but it's also a commitment—sessions cost $150+ with 2-week waiting lists, and many couples need help but can't access or afford professional support immediately.
I wondered if there was an accessible "first step" to help people understand their conflicts, reflect on relationship communication patterns, and even start improving before—or alongside—professional guidance.
A Way to Combine Passion and Skill
As a software engineer, I was also excited by the idea of building something useful. Creating an app around conflict resolution felt like a natural step: it would let me work on a problem I care about, build tools that people could use, and put my technical skills to good use. I could create something unique—an app that didn't just track conflicts but helped users analyze them in a way that could foster personal and relational growth.
How I Built Deescalator
MVP: Start Simple, Test the Waters
The vision for Deescalator is ambitious, but I started small in April 2024. The first step was a Minimum Viable Product (MVP) that allows users to log, analyze, and reflect on their conflicts. It's simple but effective, helping people get insight into their patterns and triggers without overwhelming them with features.
With this MVP, I hoped to validate the idea and gather feedback to make Deescalator better with each iteration. Lisa and I became the first users, discovering patterns we never noticed before.
Keeping It Free and Accessible
The MVP uses free tools and accessible technology to keep things light and easy for early users. The goal is to make it simple for anyone to try out Deescalator and see if it brings value to their lives. If there's genuine interest and positive feedback, I plan to invest in enhancing the app with advanced features, including AI-driven insights and perhaps expert consultations to guide users even further.
The Future of Deescalator
This project is personal, but it's also for anyone who wants to grow in their relationships without waiting for a breaking point. If Deescalator can help even a few people understand themselves and their relationships better, it will be a success. And if demand grows, I'm ready to expand, exploring new technologies and consulting experts to bring in deeper insights and resources.
Try It Yourself
If you're curious about your own conflict patterns and tired of having the same fights over and over, I'd love for you to try Deescalator and share your experience. It's completely free during early access, and every piece of feedback helps make it better.
Thanks for joining me on this journey. Whether you're here to improve your relationship, learn about conflict resolution, or follow along with the development process, I'm glad you're here. Let's see where this goes.